IN TWENTY EASY STEPS (Author unknown, at least by me)
Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.
Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.
Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.
Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.
Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.
Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn’t know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can’t come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).
Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.
Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.
Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
IN TWENTY EASY STEPS (Author unknown, at least by me)
Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
You can pray for Japan, you can hold each others hands, you can light a candle or join a “Japan Solidarity Group” on Facebook.
Just in case these actions doesn’t have any impact on the japanese population… just make a donation here.
We will send the ENTIRE collected amount to the japanese RedCross to help the victims and families of the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear catastrophe.
Once the money transfered we will publish the bank transfer slip here.
D1353 M1TT31LUNG Z31GTD1R, ZU W3LCH3N GRO554RT1G3N L315TUNG3N UN53R G3H1RN F43H1G 15T! 4M 4NF4NG W4R 35 51CH3R NOCH 5CHW3R, D45 ZU L353N, 483R M1TTL3W31L3 K4NN5T DU D45 W4HR5CH31NL1ICH 5CHON G4NZ GUT L353N, OHN3 D455 35 D1CH W1RKL1CH 4N5TR3NGT. D45 L315T3T D31N G3H1RN M1T531N3R 3NORM3N L3RNF43HIGKEIT. 8331NDRUCK3ND, OD3R?
I started in the 80′s with am Apple 2e.
I still have my “Classic” from 1989
Did Steve Jobs changed anything in my (Computer)Life?
- I have a personal home computer
- With a graphics user interface built for the consumer market.
Your car is German.
Your vodka is Russian.
Your pizza is Italian.
Your kebab is Turkish.
Your democracy is Greek.
Your coffee is Brazilian.
Your movies are American.
Your tea is Tamil.
Your shirt is Indian or Chinese.
Your oil is Saudi Arabian.
Your electronics are Japanese or Korean.
Your numbers are Arabic and your letters are Latin.
Your chocolat is ghanaian and your music is from…?
A tourist from the Midwest walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat.
Überlegt es euch bevor ihr etwas aus der Speisekarte bestellt, kocht oder Einkaufen geht…
Lange geht das nicht mehr gut!
Die Überfischung der Meere from Lilli Green on Vimeo.
Das Landgericht Frankfurt hat Magnus Gäfgen 3.000 Euro Entschädigung zugesprochen.
Die Summe stehe Gäfgen zu, weil ein Polizist seine Menschenwürde bei einem Verhör im Jahr 2002 verletzt hätte.
Magnus Gäfgen hatte 2002 den damals elfjährigen Sohn eines Bankiers entführt und getötet. Ein Vernehmungsbeamter hatte Gäfgen während des Verhörs die Verabreichung eines “Wahrheitsserums” und “unvorstellbare Schmerzen” angedroht, um den Aufenthaltsort des Jungen zu erfahren. Die Leiche des Kindes war wenig später aus einem Tümpel geborgen worden, nachdem Gäfgen das Versteck im Verhör verraten hatte.
